Comedy of Errors

Wolves are down.

Now that we have that out of the way, the path is open to focus on who will be joining them in losing out in one of the most intriguing, infuriating and unpredictable relegation battles in living memory. The oddities at the top of the table have been well documented; the inconsistencies of 3 of the old "Big 4" coupled with the rise and fall of the big spending Manchester City and the incomprehensible continued success of the worst Man U squad of the modern era. Yet at the bottom the tale has been just as interesting. The old adage that only 40 points means safety has been disregarded as 5 staggeringly awful teams have slogged it out and, while it has been far from pretty, the mercurial inconsistencies of all of them have made it impossible not to watch their various implosions from behind the sofa.

Each bring their own pantomime quality to the fray. QPR are surely the villain; as if their shady money was not enough they've contrived to bring in Mark Hughes, beloved by no-one bar an ever dwindling minority of ageing Man U fans, to oversee such luminaries as Joey Barton, Djibril Cisse and Shaun "no redeeming qualities" Wright-Phillips. Everyone wants QPR to go down (surely?), and everyone assumed they would with their formidable run-in. Admittedly they lost somewhat controversially today, but they've also shown a surprising resilience in beating Arsenal and Liverpool. Games against Spurs, City and Chelsea should see them down though, especially with their inability, every bloody week, to keep 11 players on the pitch.

Wigan should have gone down for pretty much every season they've been in the top flight. I always feel that the Latics deserve more attention. Here is a team that almost everyone tips for relegation, that for vast swathes of the season are shunted at the end of Match of the Day and that play in a town with less footballing heritage than Qatar. Yet here they still are. And more intriguingly, here they still are making another real go of staying up. They're the plucky underdog of the relegation world, and Roberto Martinez seems like not only a rare good guy in football but also a notably astute manager both on and off the pitch. More than that though, they play remarkable football; a semblance of a passing game while most teams around them hoof it long and hope. Victor Moses, Franco di Santo and Hugo Rodallega may be crap most weeks, but if they can bring their occasional inspiration to their last two games against Wolves and Blackburn, Wigan should stay up.

Blackburn feel a bit like a club scripted for a 60s British farce film. They have a manager who won 3 games in a year. They sold both of their first choice centre-backs in January. They've had less home possession than any club in any major European league. And they're owned by a company that makes fried chicken, and uses David Dunn as its advertising front. They've also beaten Man U and Arsenal in 2 of the most absorbing games of the season and now, out of nowhere, stand on the verge of survival. It's hard not to feel for Steve Kean after the abuse he suffered at the hands of 'fans', although even harder to hope they stay in the Premier League when you watch 5 minutes of their unique "hit it to Yakubu again" brand of tiki-taka. I think, and hope, Blackburn will go down; they play poor football and their Premier League 'heritage' is nothing but one bought title in 1995 and several years of unimaginative, unexciting long ball tactics. They've also got Norwich, Chelsea, Tottenham and Liverpool left to play - some really big teams. And Liverpool.

I hope Bolton stay up. Of course there is the Fabrice Muamba subplot and their dignified handling of the incident and its fallout, but they've also consistently played good football - the same football that had them performing so well last season. Phil Gartside has been the epitome of a patient owner, his recognition that Owen Coyle has been hindered by Stuart Holden's injury and the departure of Elmander has seen Coyle turn the team around to an extent - deservedly winning Manager of the Month for March. Ultimately, Bolton have an easier run-in than their rivals; they should pick up enough points against Villa, West Brom and Stoke to see them safe. They deserve to be so, having been good for the game on and off the pitch.

2011-12 will be remembered as the season United once more fought off City amidst a general decline in quality throughout the Premier League. Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs have risen and fallen almost every week, while Liverpool's implosion has been pleasing for the neutral disgusted by their arrogance in handling the Suarez affair. For a last few weeks though, the relegation battle will take its deserved place at the forefront of the public consciousness. In all honesty it should have been there every week; rarely has there been such a fusion of comic ineptitude, pantomime subplots and (very) occasional footballing artistry at the foot of the table. The neutral may well hope Wigan and Bolton stay up, but in a season in which Blackburn pulled off the biggest upset in Premier League history, in terms of odds, at Old Trafford, guessing which way the pendulum will swing is a mug's game.

Wolves are definitely down though.